Marriage

M10100

TITLE: How To Supplement Your Mate.

READ Gen. 2:18-24

OUTLINE:

INTRODUCTION

I. Wives supplement your husbands.

II. Husbands love your wives.

CONCLUSION

INTRODUCTION: I was looking for a title for this study and thought of several. How to subjugate your mate. How to subdue your mate. How to straighten your mate. However since I figured there might be someone of the female gender reading this I decided on "How to supplement your mate.

I thought of a couple of good songs that might go with this study. I Surrender All. Give of your best to your master.

As a small boy I used to love to help my father on Saturday when he worked around the house. I'd run after things or sit on the board while he sawing it, or anything he wanted. I was his helper.

You see my father was paralyzed from the waist down. I did the running for him. I did the things that he couldn't do very well for himself. I was his helper, he could have done these things without me but my help made it much easier for him.

Gen. 2:18-24: To supply the context to this passage, God has created man and is about to correct her mistake by creating woman according to the ERAers.

Vs 18. "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help fit for him." "fit" means meet or fitting to the job - someone that can fill in the gaps.

Vs 19. "And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof."

Vs 20 "And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help fit for him."

Vs 21 "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;"

Vs 22 "And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."

Vs 23 "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

The order is set no matter what is said. I Cor. 11:8-9 mentions that woman was created for man not vice-versa. "For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man."

Vs 24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh."

Cleave = "to join fast together, to glue, cement" (vine)

Barnes mentions of "one flesh," "involves the complete identification of one personality with the other in a community of interests and pursuits...."

Some of the ERA women mention things like, "I gotta be me,” I gotta have my rights,” I gotta have my space" and "give me some room.” Any couple arguing about my rights and your rights does not have a Scriptural marriage. There is no room for "individual" rights in a Scriptural marriage.

Also note women that you are very special! You can know that you can help your husband in some way which no animal in creation can. No animal was suitable to help Adam.

HELPMEET: Just what did God create for man in this helpmeet? What is a help meet? It is a "help" fit or meet to the job. Not one word but two.

What does a help meet do? Do they help meet the kids? Do they help meet the press? Do they help meet the budget? NO!

Many define this as "supplement.” Funk and Wagnall states that supplement means, "to make additions to; provide for what is lacking in." Note: That is supplement and not supplant which means to "take the place of; displace" WIVES BE SURE YOU KNOW THIS!

DEFINITION: Much can be said for this term "help". This term is used of a woman twice - both here in this text. It is used in the Old Testament 21 times and is always translated help. Of the 21 times it is used, it is used of God helping 16 times. The other three times it is used in a derogatory fashion. (derogatory = Is. 30:5; Ezek. 12:14; Dan. 11:34. Some husbands might list Gen. 2:18 as derogatory also. Ha.)

You will note I've chosen to speak to the women first.

This is for two reasons. 1. They need it worse than the husbands do. NO NO! 2. In case we run out of time I want to be sure and get theirs in first. NO NO NO!!!

I. Wives supplement your husbands. You can do this in three areas of life. Body, Soul and Spirit.

1.Body: The physical part of man. Fact: He is lacking in something or you wouldn't have been created to be a help!

HELP by being a good cook. Sarah in Gen 18:1-8 baked bread but it seems that Abr. may have done the rest.

HELP in sickness. Run errands without complaint! Leave him alone if that is the type of person he is. Encourage and assist, as you are able.

HELP him as I did my father. When he's laboring with one of those projects that you have dreamed up give him a hand and I don't mean clapping.

HELP make a living if the need arises. Granted the best place for you is in the home especially when kids are young but a working wife is not wrong. (Prov. 31; Acts 18:3.)

Research seems to indicate that if the wife works there is an improvement to the majority of marriages.

HELP by being satisfied with what he can do for you if it isn't a lot. Don't push him into purchases he can't really handle. If you've done this apologize and get back on track.

HELP by being a homemaker even if you work. Make that place a home no matter what you have to work with. Make him want to get HOME.

B. Soul: The emotional side of man.

HELP to encourage him in everything that you can. Don't be like Job's wife! There the poor man was sitting in ashes scraping himself because he itched so much and she says, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!"

Man what encouragement! What encouragement have you given your husband lately?

HELP emotionally when he's having a ruff time a little sympathy wont hurt a bit. When he's under the weather emotionally don't bother him. When he is excited about something try to be excited with him. What encouragement have you been to your husband lately?

HELP keep the romance in your life. The ring on your finger isn't a ring in his nose. Just because you are married doesn't mean he doesn't like a little romance now and then.

Try candlelight dinners now and then. Even if he comes home and turns the lights on. Keep trying, he may catch on sooner or later.

HELP by being a friend. Somebody he can chum around with. This one is going to be hard for some. Do things that he likes to do. Fishing, hunting etc. He will have fishing and hunting friends so one of them may as well be you!

HELP him by not boring him to death with the details of your homelife. He doesn't really care if Mary came over at 11:45 and left at 2:30. A simple, "Mary came over for a bit" will do.

HELP by standing by him when nobody else is. Can you imagine how close Noah and his wife became while he was working on the ark? Trust God that He is directing your husband correctly.

C. Spirit: The spiritual side of man.

HELP by being an example if he isn't living for the Lord properly. Many men have testified that it was their wife's attendance at church that started them to wise up spiritually. If you see problems in his life spiritually be an example as in a silent example.

HELP by sharing your blessings both from life and from the Word. Oft times Faith will share something from her reading that will really fit into my day as well.

HELP by being a Scriptural wife. If you need to know what is expected of you check out I Tim. 3:11; Titus 2:3-5 and I Pet. 3:1-4. Also Prov. 31.

HELP by cautioning him if you really think that he needs it but don't push him about it. Pilate's wife gave him some good advise in Mar. 27:19.

HELP by praying for him. He needs it badly.

HELP by honoring him as the head of the family. Don't talk down to him, as the TV commercials seem to do with husbands.

HELP by allowing him to be the head of the family.

HELP by being "to his virtues a little kind and to his faults a little blind."

HELP by filling in his gaps. If he is shy help him around strangers but don't mother him. Try not to leave him in a room with strangers to carry on a conversation. If he wants to be a loaner don't always push for having people over. If he is limited physically help him around as you can. Help him in any way that you can. If you can help out with bookkeeping or mechanics fine - do it but don't ridicule his lack of ability.

HELP by not tricking him into doing things that he really doesn't want to do.

JUST FILL IN WHERE YOU CAN!

BE A HELP THAT IS MEET FOR HIM!

An article entitled "Does your husband need you?" by Rita Carver lists three things for wives to do and then a thought that you might want to think about for a LONG while.

1. Accept him - don't try to reconstruct him. God gave Adam a wife not a mother. 2. Don't threaten him. But do encourage his headship. 3. Enjoy him! Titus 2:4 The older women are to teach the younger ones to love their husbands.

The thought: "Don't emphasize doing for him, but being to him."

"DON'T EMPHASIZE DOING FOR HIM, BUT BEING TO HIM."

II. Husbands love your wives:

Note should be made that the husband isn't told to be nor was he created to be a helpmeet, however he is to help his wife become one flesh with him.

God gave us one clear statement concerning this topic, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Eph. 5:25

THE SAME PRINCIPLES APPLY TO THE HUSBAND AS WE HAVE SEEN FOR THE WIFE.

You are to be one flesh so there must be many similarities in responsibilities to one another!

A. Body:

HELP her in any way you can physically.

HELP her at home if she is helping you at work. We have found a number of husbands that take extreme advantage of their working wives. Some of the men do not work -- instead of helping the wife they are out doing their fun things like sports while wife works to make the living. THIS IS WRONG! If she is nice enough to be out working to help you reach life goals you ought not to be goofing off all the time.

B. Soul:

HELP her in the same areas that she is to help you in. Encouragement: Women need lots more than men! Emotionally recognize their ups and downs. They have their good days and their bad days. Be sure not to pressure them on their bad days or they may have more bad days. Romantically you need to court them and do dumb things for them now and then, you know splurge and go to Dairy Queen instead of McDonald's.

Give up lunch now and then and buy her a flower. Friendship is very necessary especially in the ministry for you may be the only one she has.

Don't bore here with the details of your job.

Stand by her when no one else will.

Dating is neat. You have to remember that just because she caught you it doesn't mean that she automatically dislikes going out. Even for just a cup of coffee or a Coke can be very important.

HELP by cleaving to her. Remember the term cleave has the idea of glued. (Gen. 2:24; Eph. 5:31 etc.)

HELP by making the living if at all possible. If this isn't possible then no problem but help her around the house as much as you can.

HELP by being the head of the home! Make the decisions that you need to. (Eph. 5:23)

C. Spirit:

HELP by being a good example to her.

HELP by sharing your blessings with her.

HELP by being her teacher. (I Cor. 14:35)

HELP by praying for her. You know her needs better than anyone else.

HELP by prodding her gently in areas where she needs to change spiritually, but be sure you have no problem in that area yourself.

HELP by being a Biblical husband. (Eph. 5: Col. 3:19 etc.)

There are many self-help books out about this relationship but I think the Word is the best place to seek help.

CONCLUSIONS:

All things which believers are to be to one another also applies to the husband and wife, for the husband is the brother of the wife in the Lord and the wife is the sister of the husband in the Lord.

In the opening illustration we have some points to apply.

1. My father allowed me to fill in for his deficiencies. Husbands, you should do the same without an ego problem. Allow your wife to fill in where you lack.

2. My father could have done it himself so wives don't get the attitude that he can't get along without you. He probably can.

3. Sometimes I would give ideas and suggestions, but I always knew that he would make the final decision and that that was that. Wives do the same. Wives don't gripe and moan about his never taking your ideas. My dad never took any of mine either.

His is the final decision and it must be upheld. If it proves out that he was wrong and things go wrong, that is not the time to say, "I told you so." That is the time that you can become the encourager that you should be.

One other thought for us to dwell on is this. We've seen that the wife is to be a help fit for the husband.

JESUS CHRIST IS THE GROOM AND WE ARE PART OF THE BRIDE THAT HE IS GOING TO WED.

As a scriptural wife to Christ we ought to be doing many things. What kind of wife have you been this week for Christ?

One final thought - Woman was created as a help for her husband - this is her primary role in God's eyes if she is married.

The man ought to in reciprocity show his love toward her by accepting his ministry and fulfilling his responsibilities to her.

Unless both are taking their proper place God can't bless the marriage, as he wants to.

Again: The idea of the helper is to supply what is lacking.

Women if you are married, this is your place and Scriptural role!