Honor your father and mother

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TITLE: "Honor your father and mother at least until you get out of the house. OR until they are too old to spend your inheritance."

SCRIPTURE READING: Eph. 6:1-3

OUTLINE:

INTRO

I. HONOR INSPECTED

II. HONOR DEFINED

III. HONOR APPLIED

INTRODUCTION:

Years ago my father mentioned a family that homesteaded near his folks farm. The family had a number of sons and the father was a harsh taskmaster. One of the sons accidently got his hand crushed by a wagon wheel and the father punished him severely for his stupidity in allowing it to happen.

The sons did not grow up to be that type of fathers to their own children. Indeed, the boys grew up to be fine citizens. One was a very successful farmer and one ended up in the cabinet of one of the presidents in recent years as Secretary of Agriculture.

I recently heard of a widower that was in his late 40's when he decided to remarry. He went to his father for his fathers blessing.

These are two extremes in fatherhood. I rather suspect that there were two different types of upbringing and response to that upbringing. It is obvious that the later man honored his father. I do not know if the first family saw a group of sons that honored their father or not. I rather suspect that they did in their own way.

I recently made a big deal about the fact that we are to honor our parents all our, or their lives. Naturally there had to be someone in the congregation that asked me just how you honored your parents. The person asked me for some practical applications of how to honor the parent on a daily basis.

This study is an outgrowth of those questions and I trust that the answers and suggestions are adequate to get her off my back! My dear and loving wife is the one that put me on the spot.

We are specifically going to look at the thought of honoring the mother and father in this study, but be aware that the principles are the same for honoring anyone that is deserving of our honor.

This may include your pastor, your Sunday School teacher, your employer, your church officers, your mate, your parent, your ________ you fill in the blank.

This is a study in how to honor.

One more suggestion might be that we honor God in a similar manner!

I. HONOR INSPECTED

Honor in Deut. 5:16 is the Hebrew word "kabed" has the idea of be heavy, grievous, hard, rich, honorable, glorious.

A quote will set the stage for us. "In this case the idea is of that which is weighty in the sense of being noteworthy or impressive. Common translations are 'honorable, honored, glorious, glorified.'

"The reputation of an individual is of central importance in these usages. Thus the person of high social position and accompanying wealth was automatically an honored, or weighty, person in the society (Num. 22:15, etc.). Such a position, its riches, and long life were commonly assumed to be the just rewards of a righteous life (I Chr. 29:28, etc.). While one would be honored automatically if one attained this stature, it is also clear that one was expected to merit the honor and the glory. The book of Prov. makes it clear that the trappings of glory without an accompanying weightiness of character was an offense to life (21:21; 22:4; 26:2; etc.).

"Likewise persons in positions of responsibility and authority were deserving of honor (Ex. 20:12; Mal. 1:6). It is significant to remind oneself that giving honor or glory is to say that someone is deserving of respect, attention and obedience. A life which does not back up one's honorable words is hypocrisy of a high form. Israel was again and again guilty of honoring God with her lips, while by her actions making him appear worthless (Isa. 29:13)." Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament pp 426-427

From the above we might see the requirement for the mother or father to be honored that they would be found worthy of honor.

This would be very dangerous for our day and age for all could well say, "You are not worthy." Today’s society is based on the individuals perception of truth. If I don't want to honor someone I just have to decide that the person isn't worthy - no matter how worthy they may be.

We will discuss this thought in a few moments.

Ex. 14:17, mentions the fact that the Lord will get "honor" from Pharaoh and his armies.

From this we might gain that honor can be demanded or exacted from the one that should be honoring.

The context is that the children of Israel are at the Red Sea and God is telling Moses to raise his rod and that He will cause Pharaoh to follow the Israelites and that God will gain honor! How? By the death of Pharaoh and His army.

GOD IS SERIOUS ABOUT HONOR BEING GIVEN.

GOD WAS NOT ABOVE EXACTING HONOR FROM THOSE THAT WOULD NOT!

Ex. 14:18 tells us that the honor gotten from the preceding verse was to show the Egyptians that He was Lord.

This would place a qualification on the idea of exacting honor. The honor was gotten to prove something to another party. A possible example would be if you had three children and one did not honor you in front of the others. You might consider exacting honor from the one rather than have the other two assume that you were not in the place of parent.

Ex. 20:12 again lists honor thy father and mother as one of the ten commandments as did the Scripture reading.

Nu. 22:17,37; 24:11 is the account of Balak trying to get Balaam to curse the people. Balak promised to "...promote thee unto very great honor...." The idea seems from the context to be the idea of wealth in Balaam’s mind (vs. 18 where he asks for gold and silver).

The term “promote” might indicate that Balak had in mind the thought of position and honor rather than riches. At any rate the thought of promoting someone to a position brings honor.

Judges 9:9 mentions honoring God.

Judges 13:17ff speaks of Manoah talking with an angel. The angel is the angel of the Lord from all indications of the context. Manoah mentions honor in the thought of worship for he sacrificed on a rock and the sacrifice was acceptable.

The implication would be the giving of worthship as the term indicates.

HONOR IS GIVING THE PERSON TO BE HONORED THE WORTH THEY DESERVE. At the very least we could say is that we should honor God with worship!

I Sam. 2:30 records that God states, "...Be it far from me; for them who honor me I will honor, and they who despise me shall be lightly esteemed." The implications of this thought are many. God will honor those that honor Him.

By application we will note that the parent that is not honored will not honor the child. Indeed, the child that does not honor the parent will be held with little esteem by the parent.

I believe that this can be born out in the everyday life of people if you were to ask.

THE HONOR GIVEN BY THE PARENT IS DETERMINED BY THE HONOR OF THE CHILD TO THE PARENT.

I Sam. 15 is the account of Saul disobeying God and in verse 28 Samuel told Saul that the kingdom had been torn from him. Saul makes a plea to Samuel in verse 30, "Then he said, I have sinned; yet honor me now, I pray thee, before the elders of my people, and before Israel, and turn again with me, that I may worship the Lord thy God."

The idea of restoration of place before God. In this case the restoration of the kingdom to Saul.

HONOR IS GIVING PROPER PLACE TO THE PERSON.

Ps. 91:15 seems to indicate an honor that would be that of God honoring the believer that has done well. I think it would have the idea of giving rightful place to the person as well.

Pr. 3:9 is one that we don't want to talk about. It speaks of honoring God with our substance. "Honor the Lord with thy substance, and with the first fruits of all thine increase;" Again the ultimate idea is that we give proper place to God and we do that by giving. He is worthy to accept our gifts!

By application - HONOR MAY BE GIVING OF OUR SUBSTANCE TO OUR PARENTS. Naturally in their old age but maybe even before that. If we really honor and care for them then we will enjoy doing nice things for them.

A man from our hometown became well off and he came home one time to purchase a new car for his folks. They had been struggling along with an old clunker for years and years. They were driving a 32 Ford in 1950. He bought them a brand new 1950 Plymouth. He honored them by using his material possessions.

In our world of great knowledge and technology we might do well to remind us of one text that uses the term honor even thou it isn't overly relevant to our discussion.

Prov. 4:7-8, "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom; and with all thy getting, get understanding.

"Exhalt her, and she shall promote thee, she shall bring thee to honor when thou dost embrace her." Here we see the promoting to honor again.

If we seek wisdom and understanding then we will be promoted to honor. The idea of this would be that we will be recognized as wise and understanding.

HONOR IS A RECOGNITION OF THE POSITION AND ABILITIES OF A PERSON.

Isa. 29:13 tells us that the Israelites honored God with their lips but that their hearts were far from Him.

HONOR WITH THE LIPS ONLY IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! THE HEART IS TO BE BEHIND THE HONOR OF THE LIPS.

The implications are that you need to have a proper heart attitude before you can properly honor.

Isa. 43:20 tells of the giving of water the God's people in the wilderness and that the beasts of the field will honor Him. "The beast of the field shall honor me, the jackals and the ostriches...." If you want to be real blunt about honoring you might say something like this. If the jackals, and the ostriches - some of the unlovely of the earth can honor, then certainly anyone as lovely as you can honor!

ALL MANKIND HAS THE CAPACITY TO HONOR IN A PROPER MANNER!

"The meanings of the Hebrew rood 'kbd' and Greek 'time' - words translated 'honor' - are much wider in scope than the English implies. Kabed literally means 'to be heavy, weighty' but is used almost exclusively in figurative ways, the most common being to be honorable. For a man to be 'weighty' in society is understood figuratively as his being important, respected, and honored. 'Time' also includes the idea of value" (From International Standard Bible Encl. as near as I can remember.)

By way of general observation then it is not improper to be respected and honored. Being recognized for your effect and place in the community is not incorrect, be that community the nation, the state, the town, or even your Christian community be that community the nation’s Christians, the state’s Christians or your local church.

It is not improper to give recognition to work well done!

One further step of observation. If God leads and directs a person to further education and endeavors, it is incorrect to condemn that education or endeavor. Daniel did not decline the honors of his office. David did not decline the honor of his position.

The idea of humility and not accepting honor, or of not seeking education that is needed is not humility, but false humility. We cannot function in areas where God leads us if we aren't worthy of honor and trained properly.

Mat. 15:4; Mk. 9:10 Honor is linked with the care of the parents in their old age.

The cursing of the parent is linked in the same verse as well.

CARE FOR PARENTS WHEN OLD IS HONORING THEM

NOT CURSING THE PARENTS IS HONORING THEM

Mat. 15:8 The term is used of the Jews honor of God with lips and not with heart.

HONOR IS OF THE LIPS AND OF THE HEART (Mk. 7:6 also)

Mat. 19:19: Mk. 10:19; Lu. 18:20 Honoring parents is listed among the commandments by Christ.

HONOR IS COMMANDED

Mat. 27:9 The term is also translated "valued" twice.

A VALUE IS PLACED UPON THE PERSON

Jn. 5:23 The term is used of honoring of Christ and the Father.

HONOR IS TO BE GIVEN TO GOD AND CHRIST

The context here seems to be the recognition of Christ and the Father as a salvation provider. The idea may well be that they were to honor or give proper attitude to the position of God. Recognize who God is. By application to the parent we might draw that the child is to give proper due recognition of the parent and the parent’s relationship to the child.

Jn. 8:49 Christ contrasts our term, timao and atimazo" Atimazo is translated dishonor. The thought of the text seems to be that the people were not recognizing Christ for who he was.

HONOR IS RECOGNITION OF THE PERSON OR POSITION

Jn. 12:26 Christ mentions if a person serves Him that the Father will honor the person. The context is being the Lord's servant.

HONOR RECOGNIZES WORK OR SERVICE DONE

Acts 28:10 The text seems also to give the idea of showing a respect to those that are involved in ministry.

RECOGNITION OF MINISTRY

I Tim. 5:3 This text also gives the idea of recognition of position. The widow is of a special class and should be honored as such.

I Pet. 2:17 We are told in a context of proper Christian living to honor all men and the kings. Again we see the idea of giving proper recognition to the person. All mankind is a general honor that they are human and deserve our respect.

If you want to see the lack of this or the need of it however you want to look at it, go to a retail store. Now, this is a generalization - there are exceptions - there is no honor between human beings today.

Push and shove, glare and grumble, being obnoxious and abrupt are the norm. Our society honors only themselves. Impoliteness, discourtesy, crabbiness, nastiness are the norm.

Teenage gangs have the same problem today. They have no honor for anyone for themselves and I doubt that they even honor themselves very much. They submit themselves to beatings to become members. They desire honor of all people outside the gang and if you don't give it to them they feel free to kill you. They take the ultimate honor from those that don't do what they think they should by taking their life.

The kings are to be honored and recognized as authorities over us. This includes a sitting president of the U.S. even if you can't stand his philosophy, or his politics - honor should be his in relation to his position. Hopefully he will be worthy of it.

A related term "timee" is used in the idea of the value of the honor. It is translated at times price and seems to be the result of the honor of "timao" Indeed this is the case in Acts 28:10, "Who also honored [timao] us with many honors [timee] ...."

Let us recap briefly the thoughts which the term honor brings forth.

OLD TESTAMENT PRINCIPLES:

GOD IS SERIOUS ABOUT HONOR BEING GIVEN. Ex. 14:17

GOD WAS NOT ABOVE EXACTING HONOR FROM THOSE THAT WOULD NOT! Ex 14:17

HONOR IS GIVING THE PERSON TO BE HONORED THE WORTH THEY DESERVE. Ju. 13:17ff

THE HONOR GIVEN BY THE PARENT IS DETERMINED BY THE HONOR OF THE CHILD TO THE PARENT. I Sam. 2:30

HONOR IS GIVING PROPER PLACE TO THE PERSON. I Sam. 15

HONOR MAY BE GIVING OF OUR SUBSTANCE TO OUR PARENTS. Pr. 3:9

HONOR IS A RECOGNITION OF THE POSITION AND ABILITIES OF A PERSON. Pr. 4:7-8

HONOR WITH THE LIPS ONLY IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! THE HEART IS TO BE BEHIND THE HONOR OF THE LIPS. Is. 29:13

ALL MANKIND HAS THE CAPACITY TO HONOR IN A PROPER MANNER! Is. 43:20

NEW TESTAMENT PRINCIPLES:

CARE FOR PARENTS WHEN OLD. Mat. 15:4; Mk. 9:10

NOT CURSING THE PARENTS. Mat. 15:4; Mk. 9:10

HONOR IS OF THE LIPS AND OF THE HEART. Mt. 15:8; Mk. 7:6

HONOR IS COMMANDED. Mat. 19:19: Mk. 10:19; Lu. 18:20

A VALUE IS PLACED UPON THE HONORED. Mt. 27:9

HONOR IS TO BE GIVEN TO GOD AND CHRIST. Jn. 5:23

HONOR IS RECOGNITION OF THE PERSON OR POSITION. Jn. 8:49

HONOR RECOGNIZES WORK OR SERVICE DONE. Jn. 12:26

RECOGNITION OF MINISTRY. Acts 28:10

II. HONOR DEFINED

AN ATTEMPT TO DEFINE THE TERM AND MEANING OF THIS "HONOR".

A look at a dictionary will show that the idea is to give recognition to the accomplishment or position of the person.

In the area of parents it would seem from the forgoing information that it is:

a. Recognition that they are the parent.

b. Recognition of that which the parent has accomplished.

This may be in the area of the parent’s life or may be in what the parent has done in the child's life.

c. Recognition of the ministry the parent might have in the children life.

Realizing that the parent has had a positive impact on the children life.

d. It is placing a value on the parent’s impact on the children life.

e. It is sharing of your substance just because they are your parent.

f. It is recognizing their worth.

g. The honor the parent receives may affect the honor given to the child.

h. God is very serious about this honor business. He wiped out Pharaoh's army to prove that He was honorable before the Egyptians.

I. None are exempt from honoring for even the animal’s honor in Isa.

j. A parent may need to exact honor in the face of being dishonored before other children.

k. It is recognizing wisdom and understanding in the parent.

In the negative honoring the parent is not:

a. Witholding care in old age.

b. Cursing the parent.

c. It is not only lip service but a feeling of the heart.

Now that we know what the Scriptures show of the term and we have looked at what the definition seems to be let us move onto the practical aspect of the term honor.

III. HONOR APPLIED

QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED:

1. If a parent does not take the responsibilities of a parent, must the child honor them? Can the child honor them in this situation? (In other words the parent is absent.)

The two questions can be answered in the statement no. There is now position assumed that can be honored if the parent is not a parent. There can be honor given if the child desires, however there will be no recipient of the honor. The fact of parentage may be recognized if the parent is around and desires to accept that recognition.

2. If a parent shows hateful ways toward the child is the child responsible to honor the parent? Yes, for the parent is a parent whether they are hateful or not. The hatefulness will detract from the honor given at times I am certain.

a. The child will always recognize the parent for the position.

The child will always recognize the parent for impact upon their life.

Example: A parent may be the reason the child is a believer. This fact does not change even if the parent turns into a nasty parent.

The recognition of that ministry in the child's mind should not be changed.

b. The parent is parent by fact and this does not change.

c. The parent may have had a tremendous informational part in the child's life - wisdom, knowledge, understanding and training. Again, this does not change and there should be recognition of this to the parent.

3. How do we show that we recognize the parents proper place?

a. Giving them the respect due a parent.

b. Giving an ear to their wisdom and suggestions. This is not to say that you as an adult have to concur or follow but a hearing of their views is very proper. As a child at home - obeying is proper and gives honor.

If a teenager is unwilling to hear the parent’s exhortations to proper behavior and actions then the child is not honoring the parent.

c. Caring for an aging parent. This does not mean that we should support an independently wealthy parent. It does mean that if a parent has need of material or physical care that the child is responsible to care for those needs as best they are able.

d. In the eastern thought were the family at times lived under the same roof or area then the child should come under the rules and guidelines of the parents household.

e. It may be just sharing of your own material blessings with them because they are your parent and you want to give to them.

4. Does it mean that a child must have perfect and pure thoughts about the parent at all times?

No, that would be impossible. There will be times when the child will be upset with the parent. These times must be marked with Christian love and forgiveness. We should also strive for the unity of the Christian body in such cases. In short keep the peace if at all possible. These times must be marked by the forgiveness of the 7 X 70 times that the Lord mentioned.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION:

1. Call them when there is a special occasion if you can afford it.

2. Care for them as best you can.

Mat. 8:14 indicates that at the least, Peter and his wife were caring for his sick mother-in-law. Many think that she may have been living with them.

Care may include having them in your home.

3. Keep in contact with them as you can.

4. Be sure that you recognize their ministry in your life. If you realize that they have been important to your upbringing let them know.

This may find application in letting other people know of your parent’s impact on your life.

5. Just be there when you are needed.

6. When telling others of your parents dwell on the positive and don't downgrade them. If you are downgrading them you probably have a poor attitude toward them and probably you are not honoring them.

7. Overlook as best you can their failings. Remember that they probably overlooked many of yours in the younger days.

Realize that they may be an eighty-year-old two year old. This is not uncommon and we must cope with them being two year olds just like they coped with us being two year olds.

8. Don't demand perfection from them for they are only human.

9. REALIZE THAT IT MAY BE VERY VERY HARD AT TIMES TO DO ALL THIS!

10. It may move into the realm of realizing their feelings and trying your best not to be an upsetting factor in their emotional life.

If you know you can upset them, then this principle would say, don't upset them.

11. Share your substance with them.

In conclusion I would like to read a poem that might encourage anyone that has not been particularly good at honoring previously. It should encourage that person as well as all of us to begin now to do that which we know we ought to do.

By Berton Braley

"Start where you stand and never mind the past; The past won't help you in beginning new.

"If you are done with it at last, Why, that's enough. Your're done with it, you're through;

"This is another chapter in the book, This is another race that you have planned.

"Don't give the vanished days a backward look - Start where you stand.

"The world won't care about your old defeats. If you can start anew and win success,

"The future is your time, and time is fleet, And there is much of work and strain and stress;

"Forget the buried woes and dead despairs. Here is a brand-new trial right at hand;

"The future is for him who does and dares - Start where you stand.

"Old failures will not halt, old triumphs aid; Today's the thing, tomorrow soon will be;

"Get in the fight and face it, unafraid, and leave the past to ancient history.

"What has been has been; yesterday is dead, And by it you are neither blessed nor banned;

"Take courage, man, be brave and drive ahead - Start where you stand!"

There is one passage that I saved for our closing. It is a neat text to contemplate.

If we all get this one straight, I think that we will get the other areas of honor straight as well.

Isa. 58:13-14

"If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day, and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honorable, and shalt honor him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words;

"Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob, thy father; for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it."

May we place the LORD in His proper place of honor first and then begin to work on those areas that we have need of working on.

Remember, that the proper honoring of the parents is part of our proper honoring of the LORD!