Parenting

m01100

TITLE: FATHER EQUALS ELDER, UNLESS PRODUCT IS DELINQUENT

SCRIPTURE READING: I Tim 3:1-7

"SUSAN WESLEY'S RULES FOR CHILD TRAINING "She had 19 children, and raised them well with the following 16 rules:

1. No eating between meals.

2. All children in bed by 8:00 p.m.

3. Take your medicine without complaining.

4. Subdue self will in each child.

5. Work with God to save the soul of each child.

6. Teach child to pray as soon as he can speak.

7. Require all to be still during family worship.

8. Give children nothing they cry for.

9. Give them only what they ask for politely.

10. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed.

11. Do not allow a sinful act to go unpunished.

12. Command and reward good behavior.

13. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters.

14. Strictly observe all promises.

15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.

16. Teach children to fear the rod."

Now, I wish that these rules had been introduced as Wesley's fathers rules, but they are good rules anyway.

I don't want to talk about children specifically, though they are related to our study. We want to look at the elder qualification to be a good parent as a prerequisite to being a church leader.

Turn to I Tim. 3:4-5 with me. "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)"

In a long list of single word qualifications, Paul places two complete verses relating to one qualification. One might suspect that this qualification is mighty important!

One that ruleth well his own house is done by having his children in subjection with all gravity ("dignity" NASB) He achieves obedience of his children in this way - by having them in subjection with gravity. He stands as head of the house and runs it as head of the house. Chain of authority with him at the top. One of the biggest hindrances to proper upbringing of children is a family that has no authority. If the father runs things one way and the mother another there is no way that the children can know what is expected. The parents need to discuss what they think the proper family is to be, then the father is to make the final decision and the couple should go forth with a united front in the raising of their children.

The man should be able to control his children. If his children aren't saved and turn out bad it is not necessarily a disqualification in this area, unless of course, he has neglected the family's training. He should be able to control the children. Their salvation is up to God, and their life's decisions are theirs BUT their raising and discipline are the fathers overall responsibility.

The father must teach, guide, exhort and nurture the child to adulthood. Vine mentions, "to stand before, hence to lead, attend to" This indicates care and diligence. Not something that is accomplished by remote control, nor is it something that is accomplished by delegating authority to the mother.

Ruleth is "proisteemi" (4291) and is seen in Rom 12:8 as ruleth in the context of ruling a church congregation. These two verses only strengthen one another. (others: I Thess 5:12 as "are over"; I Tim 3:12 and Titus 3:8,14 where it appears as "to maintain".)

There is more to the office of elder than doing the bidding of the congregation. The congregation sets the purpose of the assembly and makes decisions, but the leadership is in the hands of the church leaders.

Subjection is "hupotagee" (5292) (Others: Gal 2:5; I Tim 2:11 as women learning in subjection.) The term is seen in II Cor. 9:13 as submission to the Gospel. This is not a subjection or submission that is now and then - the submission to the gospel is a serious, deep, one time, total, life altering decision.

So the children of the family of a church elder should be committed to their father’s headship and leadership - not now and then - not when it is convenient - not when the child wants to - AT ALL TIMES! It should be their lifestyle.

The thought of "children" is not that of a small child necessarily. The term is used of young to old. (Matt 9:1-2 = man; Matt 2:18; 3:9 = children under two; Ro 8:16 = adults are children of God; Col 3:20 = children obey your parents; I Ti 1:2, 18; Philemon 10 = Onesimus)

Vine states, "it gives prominence to the fact of birth".

gravity = semnotes (sem-not'-ace) Thayer mentions of the term "the characteristic of a thing or person which entitles to reverence and respect, dignity, majesty, sanctity 2) honour, purity"

The elder should run his house in such a way that his children automatically see him as a man that is entitled to respect and dignity.

One of the merchandise managers at the store where we work is such a man. I call him by first name, but find myself a little uneasy in doing so. This man is not a believer, but he seems to have his house in order, he seems to have his work in order, and he seems to have his life in order.

I have a great respect for this man. I feel that he is deserving of any respect, help, or assistance I can ever give to him. He did not ask me for this respect. The respect comes from my knowing his character and life.

Many are the children in this world that have no respect nor dignity toward their parents. In the store we see children mouthing off to their parents constantly, even to the point of swearing at them and calling them names.

One of our pastors when we were going to Bible college had one good son and one poor one. The poor one was rebellious to a point - didn't care for church - long stringy hair - very rough type. Didn't turn out a pride and joy BUT, he was under subjection. One look from his father and foolishness or wrongdoing was stopped. He was always in church. He always did as his father asked him to do. He seemed later on to have turned out okay. He bothered some people in the church, but they were not seeing the whole story - only the outward trouble. Before you condemn a pastor for a bad teen, see if he has him in subjection. This is the requirement - not that all kids turn out as super saints. The result of a good pastor is not necessarily 100% spiritual, on fire Christians.

This man lead his small struggling congregation over a number of years to establish a large church with a very adequate building. He had some in his church that were as his sons. Some were outstanding members, and some were stinkers. The pastor as in his family brought his membership to a place of unity and lead both his natural family and his spiritual family to success.

Verse 5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) Verse five shows the why of verse 4. The implied thought is if he isn't capable of being a good father then he is not capable of running a church.

The term “house” may imply as well as controlling the family as the context speaks of, but also the material things. He should be able to run his house in a proper manner, keeping his bills paid, keeping his house in repair and keeping his house in pleasant appearance. Some preachers today are behind in their bills if not delinquent, and are behind in their homes upkeep. This ought not be so.

Now, just why would Paul tell Timothy that an elder must be a good head of house to be a good elder?

SOME THOUGHTS:

1. If he is a good head of house he will be a good head for the church. Paul likens the one job to the other. The job, the principles of, and the work of being a good head of house are JUST the qualifications for the elder.

a. He will be the one that heads up the church.

One that assists or sets the course for the church.

One that trains the church.

One that nurtures the church.

One that encourages the church.

One that assists the church to its fullest potential.

One that DISCIPLINES THE CHURCH.

b. I suspect that Paul saw another characteristic that a good father will bring to a church.

The father that is head of his house and a responsible father to his children is one that has a great love and concern for the family. So, the elder that has a love and concern for his people will be the leader of the church that he ought to be and will be the responsible leader that he should be.

c. On the other side of the coin we must relate the thought of submissive children to the congregation.

There is absolutely no way a church can march forward if the people are not willing and desirous of following the man that God has placed over them. Think of the logic of this. A child has no choice in the father that is placed over them by God. The church member may have little choice over the elder that is placed over them by God. Both should be in subjection to the respective leader.

NEVER CAN A CHURCH HOPE TO BE SUCCESSFUL FOR GOD IF THE PEOPLE ARE NOT WILLING TO ALLOW THEIR ELDER TO LEAD THEM.

HE CANNOT FORCE THEM TO FOLLOW, HE CANNOT FORCE THEM TO SUBMIT TO HIM, AND HE CANNOT FORCE THEM TO RESPECT HIM.

If he is God's man for the hour then that ends the discussion. The church member should work and live in the church membership as a good child of God.

d. And this brings us to the final thought. The church member is a Child of God. The elder is placed over the child of God as an earthly father or guide. THIS IS NOT HOW STANLEY DERICKSON SET IT UP - IT IS HOW GOD SET IT UP!

The elder should have the responsibilities of a father, the elder should have the authority of a father, and the elder ought to have the respect of a father.

NOW, DON'T GO OUT TELLING EVERYONE I WANT TO BE CALLED FATHER! I don't know this to be a fact, but I suspect that this may be the basis for the Roman Catholic thought of the priest being called father.

APPLICATION:

1. Never consider a candidate that does not have his family with him if he has small to teenage children. How in the world can you consider his qualification in this area if you have never met the family?

2. It is wise to see the family for more than a couple hours. This is one of the reasons that many churches are asking that their candidates to spend a week with the church before being considered.

3. The pastor and his family are to be the example of a proper family to those that they minister to.

One of the reasons our mission was excited about us going to Ireland was this very fact. The Irish Christians had a very poor concept of the family and the mission wanted the Irish believers to see what a Christian family was to be like - not that ours was perfect - only a lot more of a family than the Irish had seen.

4. The man that does not fulfill this qualification is not to be a church leader. If a man has not raised his family well, then God does not feel that he can raise a church family well.

5. One final family concept that relates to the church family concept is unity. The family that is properly raised is a family unit - there should be a real unity of purpose. So, in the church there should be a real unity - indeed, there must be a unity of purpose lest the church crumble.

Pleiades is a set of seven stars in the constellation Taurus. They are supposedly the seven daughters of Atlas in Greek mythology. The seven make up a loose cluster of stars. Six are visible to the average person. The interesting part of this cluster of stars is that they are in separate and distinct orbits, which one day will lead them in different directions. This will result someday in the disappearance of the star cluster Pleiades.

I think that this illustrates quite well the church that has several people going several different directions - often their own direction instead of God's. The church that is not united in purpose will one day cease to exist.

I trust that as time goes along the church will look very seriously at the qualifications for elder before calling someone into the congregation to lead.

I also trust that if there is ever a time that an elder of the church ceases to rule his own home well, that he is asked to step aside before he rule God's house not so well.

Go did not set these qualifications for the fun of seeing if Timothy could find someone to fulfill them. THESE ARE GOD'S REQUIREMENTS FOR THE MAN THAT IS GOING TO LEAD HIS CHILDREN!

God knows what outcome He wants for His children and He will provide the man which can get that job done! Don't be afraid to require what God requires! Don't be afraid to be picky! Don't be afraid to await God's man!