Job Application submitted at a fast-food establishment
NAME:Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION:
Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION:
Yes. LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle-management hostility. SALARY:
Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any. PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?:
Only when set on fire. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. SIGN HERE:
Scorpio with Libra rising. (copyright 1997 by Greg Bulmash)
Visitor Comments
The comments stated below are not necessarily the opinions of Andy Hughes or DarkroomSource or Hughes Computer Consulting.I would hire this guyAnonymously contributed on 1999-10-31 00:00:00
for the HR Department Its a joke anyway
Any idiot hiring this guy needs to be shot along with himContributed by on 2004-02-03 14:12:58
that\'s hilarious. I think we need more stupid people like this one out there so we all can laugh.Contributed by on 2005-01-31 12:45:00
To those that posted above calling this guy stupd, I would be extremely suprised if this guy remotely dim given the wit required to form such a response. The joke is on you!Contributed by on 2006-08-22 07:40:23
I do have to say thats the best resume I have ever seen in my life... I would hire that guy in a second. You definately need people like that at work, it just makes your work day a lot more enjoyable, considering more than half of the poplulation probably hates there job. A little laughter never hurt anyone!Contributed by on 2007-07-25 08:52:46
